wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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