all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
