After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
