maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize