Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
