I want to stick my p in your. b.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
