i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
