Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
