I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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