You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
