Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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