i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
