I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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