I cockslap morals
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
