why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
