I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
