I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
