when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
