grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hippo gnu deer
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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