Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
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