Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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