I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How naked do you want me to be?
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