He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
