HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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