Can i not drive my cunt home
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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