I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
