I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
