i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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