would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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