Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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