I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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