so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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