u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
