I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
