So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
