apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
