um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
