It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
