i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
