It's Friday. Sex?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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