I like my sex mixed with concussions.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
