I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
