I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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