At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
