A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
