This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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