I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
