Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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