My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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