But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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