her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
