***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
