K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
