My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
