you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
