I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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