Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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