she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
