Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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