You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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