I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
