every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
