I just pynch a tree in the face
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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