I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
