the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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