I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize