I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
