I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
