he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she peed on how many people?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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