If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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