I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
