I seem to have left my pride at pride
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
