This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
