I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
there's paper in my vomit.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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