shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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