You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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