thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
