Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
