just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
