you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
