Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
